wow, it’s been a really hard-fought battle for me to try to convince myself that my feelings are valid, even if they’re “wrong”, and I’m not obligated to suppress my emotions and pretend they don’t exist. and it’s still not something that I’m fully comfortable with yet.
ugh, feelings are hard.
I don’t mind being alone, I just hate feeling alone
The most accurate thing I’ve ever read
Being alone and lonely are not the same things. One can be surrounded by people and be lonely; one can be by themselves and not feel alone.
Yeah, definitely. Actually being alone is a lot less bad at making me feel alone than being around people who are angry or aggressive or otherwise hostile, for instance.
Why the hell is my university testing the emergency notification system in my apartment complex right now? Don’t they know this is still sleeping time for graduate students >:V
Awesome, so another grad student in my department is selling his car and I checked it out today and we came to an agreement that I’ll buy it in a couple weeks when he’s done with needing it. I haven’t had my own car before so I’m pretty excited about that. I’ve been able to put up with it so far (mainly because my roommate has a car so I can go to the grocery store with him when he does), but it’s been feeling increasingly restrictive / frustrating. So having a car will certainly make a lot of things more convenient and less stressful!
to other people [because i still can’t say this to myself]
so i’ve been having a pretty rough time lately with regard to my ADHD, anxiety, and things, but the hard times have resulted in a lot of super sweet, validating conversations. i’m having a lot of trouble processing things, reminding myself of them, and being nice to myself. and i wanted to try just…saying things to other people, because that helps me hear them better in my own head; i figured here would be the place where the most people would hear me, so here y’alls go.
important sentences from/for robot-bear [ADHD-atypical-alien-cat-infant-superstar]
- you’re real. super real. remember that one time, when you thought you might be an awesome person who existed? that was real, and you were right.
- you count, too. and that thing that happened, the thing that happened that you think doesn’t count as a thing because you’re you, or because you’re making it up, or because you’re exaggerating? that thing counts. everything counts.
- you’re allowed to need things, even if you make mistakes all the goddamn time. everyone gets to need things. lots of things. even weird things that nobody else needs.
- if you feel like you don’t know what you need, start listening to your insides. there’s a feeling you get, like stretching, or pulling, or a piece of you tearing and there’s this sound that’s “please,” but also not saying anything at all, and all of it can make you feel like a pathetic baby. that feeling is real, and okay, and it means that you have needs that aren’t being met.
- it’s okay to not go through all the “necessary steps” in the same order “everyone else” does. dessert can be before dinner, naps can be before work, big books can be read even if big papers can’t be written, you can answer the problem even if you haven’t done “problem-solving step #1.”
- not only is 5 okay, it’s fucking great! it’s cool! there is no universal law that says doing things, or learning skills, in an unusual order is cheating. anyone who says that that’s cheating is a scared douchebag.
- asking for help is what strong and responsible people do when they’re in trouble.
- being scared to ask for help doesn’t make you irresponsible or weak. it makes you a person.
- you should have dreams and aspirations for your future, and the people around you shouldn’t just be okay with them—they should be invested in them.
- even if you don’t know what your dreams and aspirations are, don’t let other people tell you what they “should be.” if you dream big, you definitely might not have your dreams come true…but the fact that you dream big doesn’t make you arrogant or irresponsible. it just makes you ambitious. it’s okay to be ambitious.
- dreams do not have a minimum size requirement; dreams can be about getting to be president, getting married, getting a puppy, or getting out of bed in the morning. all those things are still dreams.
- you are good, and worthwhile, and deserving, and weird, and maybe lonely, and scared, and real.
- letz be friendz. i like cats. i need to do my laundry. i write funny. when i was a child, i thought the word “biased” was a way of insulting someone by suggesting that they had two butts.
- i love you. kay bye.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
This is posting on Saturday, but it came through the Inbox on Friday. I really needed to hear some of these things on Friday. It’s been quite a week, people.
Yay, on my way back home after leaving my parents’ place. Man this weekend was kind of stressful.
4, 13, squarefree composites?
I uh think I have all of the squarefree composites <= 32 here.
4. Favorite Music Track
At the Price of Oblivion probably. Though there’s a lot of good ones.
6: Favorite Kid (Beta & Alpha)
Rose and Roxy.
10: Strife Specibus allocations?
Hmm… maybe textbookkind. I can bludgeon imps with oversized calculus textbooks.
13: Midnight Crew or Felt?
Midnight crew I suppose.
14: Which Land is you favorite (canon lands)?
Frost and Frogs is pretty cool. As is Thought and Flow (who wouldn’t like giant sky neurons? >:] )
15: Bing Crosbytop or Bill Cosbytop?
Ehh neither just give me Rose’s headband computer
Do grubs count? >:3
22: Could you give Hussie directions to Olive Garden?
Uhh there’s one in a nearby shopping center so yeah.
26: Least favorite thing about Homestuck (in general)
30: Favorite Homestuckism? (Who’s this douchebag, Already here, acrobatic fucking pirouette, etc.)
Corpse party! :D :D :D :D :D